Change those voices, in your head, make them like you instead... Pink
This post isn't really about co-parenting but it is about parenting and my parenting, so they are intertwined and I feel compelled to write about this idea of attempting to be a perfect parent.
I know you've probably read about this before, but I didn't learn the lesson the last ten times I read it, so I think it is always helpful to reiterate.
I was talking with a good friend today. She is a single Mom with two school age children and... she recently broke her arm. Now this friend is a strong, spectacular woman like all of my friends, naturally! She is able to hold down a full time professional gig, participate in many committees at work, volunteer actively in her church and raise her two children, virtually alone. Phew, I'm tired just writing that sentence!
Anyways, we were talking and she was lamenting that she is acting as an unfit Mother because her arm is broken and she is unable to do everything she normally does for the kids. I'm listening as she is degrading herself for feeding the kids fast food and making them do their own laundry. And I begin to wonder, why do we think we need to be perfect parents? Why do we set impossible parenting standards for ourselves, even when we can't perform at 100%? I know we all love our kids and want to give them everything, but where is the balance? When is it ok to tell ourselves that we're ok parents and we're doing the best we can. Instead of listening to the voice inside our head that tells us we're not doing enough or well enough.
What is it that inside of us telling us we're not good enough parents? One word: Ego. Yes, we are too egotistical to remind ourselves everyday that we are doing the best we can. Offended yet? Don't worry, because I am. When we try and tell ourselves that we have to parent perfectly then we're really just feeding our inner ego and letting it take control.
Remember back in Psych 101 when your professor talked about Freud and the super ego? Well, Freud might have just been on to something there. That nasty voice in your head telling your your not doing enough, well enough, or you just did that wrong is your ego. Entertaining those thoughts is just feeding your ego and perpetuating your quest for parenting perfection.This is not an psychological analysis of perfection, it's just simply what I've found to be true in my own endeavors with attempting perfection. We're not really our egos, we're much more than that. So why should we let it run our life and bring us down, if even only for a moment?
The next time I find myself listening to that voice that tells me I should be a perfect parent, I'm going to try and squelch it. I will try to pay attention to my true thoughts and keep my heart open. I'm going to remind myself that I try my best to be a good parent to my kids. And that being imperfect is good enough for me.
