The Nest Is NOT Empty

I've been wondering lately, actually I think about it often: just who are we if we aren't raising kids? Would I be a renowned yogi, volunteer my time at the local woman's shelter or cook my way through all of the bon appetit recipes in every month's magazine?  Its so easy to forget post kids what you were like before them. It's difficult to imagine what it will be like when they leave home. Because let's face it, the truth, the bare we don't want to face it naked truth is: raising our children is not the end all and be all of our lives. Raising children is a huge part of our lives and the most important, but just for now. Let's not forget that we were once childless and someday to a certain extent, we will be again.

Then who we will be? Did we keep enough of ourselves to evolve and thrive? I've seen so many parents, in particular of my parent's generation who didn't keep enough of themselves. Then it can be a bit ugly, they are generally the stage 5 clinging parents who can't cut the apron strings. You know the ones who need to stay so involved, that they believe they can still make their adult child's decisions for them. Kris Kardashian anyone? or those parent who go off the deep end and revive their youth. You know what I'm talking about: those 50 and 60 somethings you see in the club trying to act like 20 somethings. It's just not attractive.

Then there are some parents that have acheived some sort of balance between self and caring for their children. Those parents that are still feel and act whole and complete once their children fly the nest. Those parents that don't only live just through their children but also for their self. How do these parents do it? The only idea I have  and have practiced thus far is to take time for myself. I don't mean take an extra long bath or make time to exercise just because that's what you probably should be doing for self care anyway. I'm talking about really taking some time and often, to pursue a passion or a dream. What did you really want to do as an adult? What would you do with free time? What do you want to do when your children have flown the nest? In your wildest dreams what would you do with your time, without children?

I'm not suggesting drastic life changes here, I'm encouraging you to take a few moments each day or a few minutes every few days or an hour a week to indulge and develop yourself. I know that us co-parents can tend to have a bit more free time to spend on ourselves and this is all the more reason to get to know ourselves. So that, when your ex has the kids for the weekend, you know what to do with yourself.

What I'm really talking about here is the concept of YOU time. Set aside some YOU time as often as you can. Again, this is time to pursue your passions. Whatever those passions may be. For me, this passion is writing and I hope to continue with it, so I might have an idea what to do with mysellf someday when I have an empty nest that really, truly is not empty.